Vision 30/15

This year I am turning thirty. Unlike most of my friends, the prospect doesn’t terrify me, I don’t expect vultures to start circling my house the minute the clock strikes 00:00 on my birthday eve. Quite the contrary; I expect my skin to stop erupting in pimples, my hair to get its act together and the mysteries of the universe to reveal themselves to me. My greatest expectation however, is that from 30 on I will gain wisdom from past experiences and hopefully avoid any of the negativity that came with them.

Sometimes as I walk, my stepping forward on autopilot while my mind revisits places past, I grimace and feel the deep anguish and I wrestle with my own emotions. “Why did I ever do that? Why didn’t I do that instead?” What makes it so devastating is knowing that most of my heartache was self-inflicted. One such incident happened when I was in highschool. I was new and going through that adolescent phase of contemplating my existence; where I belonged in the pecking order. I had a crush on a boy with model perfect looks. While walking down a flight of stairs, I skipped a few and ended up tumbling down jack & Jill style.   I was armed  with  a  fruit  filled  lunch  box  for  recess and my crush stood at the bottom of the stairs awaiting my ungainly descent. I went down somersaulting head first, my uniform skirt flew up (almost over my head) like an inverted parachute revealing  Disney’s beauty  and  the  beast  underwear. I don’t think I need to explain the implications of a highschool student dawning Disney underwear. My hands were flapping and flailing everywhere  trying  to  break  my  fall  but  alas,  I  went  crashing  to  the floor.  My lunchbox   lay empty and the floor was strewn  with  grapes,  apples,  a banana  and  crumpled Oreos.  I hurriedly raised myself up and tried to remain as cool and composed as  possible.  I gathered up my lunchbox and fruit I could before evaporating from the scene leaving behind roaring  laughter in my wake. I felt my insides liquefy and hoped for death- surely that would be less awful an experience.

Now, fifteen-ish years on, not much has changed. I am still shamefully clumsy and any situation could turn potentially awkward or embarrassing, but I’m still proverbially standing. I left my miniscule hometown where the rumor mill never stops turning, and built a new life on another continent. The problem was and often times still is getting caught up in my own thoughts, thinking things were awkward when they weren’t, thinking signs meant things that they didn’t or mistakenly thinking people were friends when they were not. My greatest expectation however, is that from 30 on I will be mindful of the wisdom I gained from past experiences. I always hope to avoid any of the negativity that comes with attaining this wisdom and I venture to think I am not alone in this. Nobody enjoys going through the lows of life but it is where we gain something: experience, knowledge, strength, etc. We always gain something needed in preparation for whatever the future needs us to face.

Networking as a Tiny Fish in a Big Pond

There’s a place in my head where I am able to meet people at events and contact them later without being awkward and inappropriate. This place is called Tendayi’s Networking Fantasy. Here I am a networking queen with streams of grace flowing from my shiny professional robes; my speech is eloquent and all hang on my every word and gesture.  

It is a mythical place that I hope to one day demystify and reap the full benefits thereof. Unfortunately, I live in the real world and in this world, I meet people, get their contact details and rarely know how to follow-up or make some kind of meaningful connection. I have in fact shared some lugubriously embarrassing ‘network’ follow-ups like wishing someone a happy Valentine’s Day (which unsurprisingly didn’t get a response). A woman once agreed to be a mentor and then when the time came to make good on her word, she stepped into quicksand. I am still waiting to hear back from her if she finally wells up from some bottomless pit. So, can you imagine my horror when one of my favourite authors advised me (on my quest to getting published) to attend events and network? Her exact words were: “Also, I would start going to conferences.  I followed up on a referral to an editor by finding him at a literary conference. That contact ultimately led to my first book getting published.” I vomited a little in my mouth as I read that.

It sounds so simple; just show up and let your winning personality and sharp intellect do the rest. The truth, as I have deduced it however, is that people don’t like feeling networked and seem to be repelled by enthusiasm to keep connected. Those who would be good contacts often don't have the time or the penchant to reply. Author Elizabeth James said it best: "Truly useful contacts are few as are firm friends." I list the three types of repulsion below:

1.     Enthusiasm, in the moment, from the person you hope to make a connection with. You exchange contact info. A few days later, you reach out as if into the void- never hearing anything back. (I have stacks upon stacks of business cards as testament to this.)

2.     You swap business cards. A day or two later, you finally pluck up the courage (or a well rehearsed ice-breaker + plausible and professional reason for contacting them) to reach out. You get a response that basically informs you that they are not the right person to contact about whatever. They sign off with a standard pleasantry and never look back.

3.     You have their details, you contact them, they seem reciprocal however, after a few exchanges, they get swallowed up by dark matter never to be heard from (by you) again.

This is problematic for many reasons; let me explain: When I started my graduate studies, the president of my university said something I will never forget. She said, “You are each other’s best resource.” Throughout my time in the graduate program I found that this was the case. Most of my opportunities came from someone I knew in the program. There was a strong sense of we’re in this together. I am not criticising industry leaders and professionals for not practicing knowledge sharing, but I have to ask what good all this talk of networking is if the ones who need to be connected with are not interested in being networked?

So the real question is how do you network without giving someone the impression that the only reason you’re talking to him or her is because you want something from him or her? Here are a few of my suggestions for a smoother networking debut that are open for discussion, dispute, amendment and suggestion:

1.     Don’t seem like too much of an eager beaver- I don’t know why but for some reason this irks folks out. They will usually purposefully ignore you. Something about over eagerness screams unprofessional.

2.     Don’t try and be the smartest person in the room- this is just a general life rule. Why? Because there’s always something someone knows more about or that you know nothing about (John Snow) and folks never miss an opportunity to micromanage everything you say to try and make you look stupid (because this is primary school and someone will get a lolly-pop for being the bestest- I am giving you the helpful finger in my mind).

3.     Know when to shut up (this little nugget of wisdom is brought to you by my mum)- If you are always talking you’ll never get a chance to hear what this person you’re hoping to form a connection with has to say or what they think.

4.     This last one is fairly obvious but often underestimated… Bring your business cards with you.

If you have had better luck with networking, please share your experience and be a resource for all us awkward neophytes.

Behind the Mask

A round of applause is due when a ‘respectable’ news publication makes the kind of gaffe made by Namibia’s Allgemeine Zeitung, because somebody needs to celebrate their stupidity. The German language newspaper captured images of the annual Kuska-Maskenball held over the weekend in the largest coastal town, Swakopmund. Clearly seen in the images are three people dressed as Ku Klux Klan (KKK) members and in another photo we see a tag-team costume with a slave owner and some workers in blackface. 

At first glance it might be easy to assume that this happened somewhere in the U.S. or in Europe but the truth is far sadder as this was in Africa in present day Namibia. Namibia is a rich and very progressive African country and recently celebrated 25 years of independence from German colonial occupation and apartheid. It is one of the few African countries with a mixed population as many of the descendants of former colonialists call it home. Unfortunately, this fossilized community has flourished in what can only be described as a time bubble, harbouring the racist and supremacist ideals of old in a world that has since moved on and if not, has the decency to acknowledge the erroneous and shameful nature of that period.

As part of their traditional heritage, the Namibian-German community celebrates an annual carnival in the major towns. The organising body, Kuska, includes a costume competition as part of the festivities and seemingly saw nothing wrong with these participants and their offensive get-ups. Naturally the only German print news outlet was on the scene to cover the event but, the adjectives Allgemeine Zeitung used for the blatantly racist costumes were ‘original’ and ‘imaginative’. Unfortunately for many Namibians, no imagination is needed as they actually survived the harrowing colonial experience. The racist nature of many of Namibia’s pale natives is no secret and it doesn’t even seem necessary to mention that it is a minority population, but just when we thought they couldn’t stoop to such abhorrent levels- they did. 

As expected the furor on social media has lead the publication to make a meaningless apology on Facebook with the promise of making it formal in the paper’s next edition. The fact that this somehow got past an editor and made it to print is mind boggling, or is it a cleverly constructed guise expressing the values of those behind the paper and consequently its subscribers? One can only assume the Allgemeine Zeitung thought the non-German speaking population wouldn’t read the paper.

Some, understandably, angry Namibians made their sentiments known by commenting things such as: “We might as well wear Nazi printed shirts with Swastikas and apologize afterwards right. Surely we will be forgiven.” A petition has been launched calling for action to be taken against the paper, the people in the costumes and Kuska. What is clear is that this kind of brazen racism, in its many shapes and forms in Namibia, will be dealt with. Namibia's permanent secretary and the Ministry of Information, Communication and Technology issued a media statement in which it made it crystal clear that continuation of such behavior would result in the banning of such 'cultural' events. I couldn't agree more!