There’s a place in my head where I am able to meet people at events and contact them later without being awkward and inappropriate. This place is called Tendayi’s Networking Fantasy. Here I am a networking queen with streams of grace flowing from my shiny professional robes; my speech is eloquent and all hang on my every word and gesture.
It is a mythical place that I hope to one day demystify and reap the full benefits thereof. Unfortunately, I live in the real world and in this world, I meet people, get their contact details and rarely know how to follow-up or make some kind of meaningful connection. I have in fact shared some lugubriously embarrassing ‘network’ follow-ups like wishing someone a happy Valentine’s Day (which unsurprisingly didn’t get a response). A woman once agreed to be a mentor and then when the time came to make good on her word, she stepped into quicksand. I am still waiting to hear back from her if she finally wells up from some bottomless pit. So, can you imagine my horror when one of my favourite authors advised me (on my quest to getting published) to attend events and network? Her exact words were: “Also, I would start going to conferences. I followed up on a referral to an editor by finding him at a literary conference. That contact ultimately led to my first book getting published.” I vomited a little in my mouth as I read that.
It sounds so simple; just show up and let your winning personality and sharp intellect do the rest. The truth, as I have deduced it however, is that people don’t like feeling networked and seem to be repelled by enthusiasm to keep connected. Those who would be good contacts often don't have the time or the penchant to reply. Author Elizabeth James said it best: "Truly useful contacts are few as are firm friends." I list the three types of repulsion below:
1. Enthusiasm, in the moment, from the person you hope to make a connection with. You exchange contact info. A few days later, you reach out as if into the void- never hearing anything back. (I have stacks upon stacks of business cards as testament to this.)
2. You swap business cards. A day or two later, you finally pluck up the courage (or a well rehearsed ice-breaker + plausible and professional reason for contacting them) to reach out. You get a response that basically informs you that they are not the right person to contact about whatever. They sign off with a standard pleasantry and never look back.
3. You have their details, you contact them, they seem reciprocal however, after a few exchanges, they get swallowed up by dark matter never to be heard from (by you) again.
This is problematic for many reasons; let me explain: When I started my graduate studies, the president of my university said something I will never forget. She said, “You are each other’s best resource.” Throughout my time in the graduate program I found that this was the case. Most of my opportunities came from someone I knew in the program. There was a strong sense of we’re in this together. I am not criticising industry leaders and professionals for not practicing knowledge sharing, but I have to ask what good all this talk of networking is if the ones who need to be connected with are not interested in being networked?
So the real question is how do you network without giving someone the impression that the only reason you’re talking to him or her is because you want something from him or her? Here are a few of my suggestions for a smoother networking debut that are open for discussion, dispute, amendment and suggestion:
1. Don’t seem like too much of an eager beaver- I don’t know why but for some reason this irks folks out. They will usually purposefully ignore you. Something about over eagerness screams unprofessional.
2. Don’t try and be the smartest person in the room- this is just a general life rule. Why? Because there’s always something someone knows more about or that you know nothing about (John Snow) and folks never miss an opportunity to micromanage everything you say to try and make you look stupid (because this is primary school and someone will get a lolly-pop for being the bestest- I am giving you the helpful finger in my mind).
3. Know when to shut up (this little nugget of wisdom is brought to you by my mum)- If you are always talking you’ll never get a chance to hear what this person you’re hoping to form a connection with has to say or what they think.
4. This last one is fairly obvious but often underestimated… Bring your business cards with you.
If you have had better luck with networking, please share your experience and be a resource for all us awkward neophytes.
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